Somehow I wish I could be it all. Not just that happy face, not just that warm smile, not just the one pleading to see deeper into who you pretend to be....but more. More than I've ever dared to dream. And I can't perfectly put it into words, and I don't even want to. I just want that cliche desire: to be understood. Make you want to puke, right? But it is beneath all my masks. It is hiding in the bushes, waiting to spring out when the right moment presents itself. Are you my moment? Have I hesitated too long? Has it been just over the amount of time necessary to draw you in, and now you are lost forever? I'm confused of how to go about this. I'm new to this chasing and hiding game. I poke my head out and grin, and I feel your eyes on me, but when I turn to see you there and prepare myself to jump....you have vanished. Are you afraid? What is this hindrance that stops you every time? Is it me? Of course I'm a girl, so I always blame myself. Or is it that very flaw that pushes you away? Can I be more than the girl in the bushes? Or are you really that forlorn? Are you sailing the seas, striving for an independence of some kind that you know you'll never find? But you really know your spot is right here, at my side, right? Or have I been fooling myself this whole time! Maybe the right guy was on the other side of the bush and I was so compelled by those frozen blue eyes that I missed the opportunity of a life time! Was he waiting for me to be more all this time? He was so very patient. And you were so very misleading. I ought to scream at you for it! But then I know, I myself must own up to my part. I lead myself on. I didn't try to turn away. I didn't even talk myself out of it. I surrendered myself to your powers completely. That smirk. That stare. That little chuckle when you thought I wasn't listening. Oh, I tease. I know. But the laughter is only a cover up for this unfathomable need to be something for you. To be more than what I've always been. To rise up like some monstrous, growing ice berg in the arctic...and all I can wonder is will you be my titanic? Ever? I know you won't. You've uttered the words plain as day, but somehow I ignore them and twist them to mean that you were joking or that it was sarcasm...the meaning was opposite, right? Oh, it would be beautiful to be more than enough for you. But at this point I might even take enough.
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