So basically....my tan is fading...my summer spirit is running dry..and I miss the south a whole lot. I know, the typical "I miss summer" speal, complete with alternating sobs and complaints. I know what you're thinking...I've heard this a million times! And believe me, so have I!! But this is different. It's not just a list of complaints and nostalgic memories, though those will be interspersed....it is more of a lament for the beauty of a short, but impactful season in my life. Hense the title of my blog right now...
The seasons of my life
That just really speaks to me because through my 17 years of life I have had so many seasons. Ones full of pain and things I'd rather not remember, and then ones so bursting with energy that I can hardly keep them out of my mind. They are just at the surface, ready to explode into action at any mention of "beach" or "family" or "laughter". I have so many thoughts that are tied together through some weird web in my brain that is practically untranslatable, but to me it's all I have. The memories are all that's left of my life. The seasons were here and now gone, but the ashes are still just as alive and burning as ever! They remain close to my heart, they've practically engraved and branded themselves to my brain. I'd consider myself a fool to try to forget them. Why let go of times of such growth? Seasons of growth. Maybe that should be my blog title, it's probably more appropriate. But besides the nostalgic "let's all hug" part of my life, there are big scars too. Betrayal. Lies. Death. Close-to-death. Unbearable pain. Suffering. Heartache. Heartbreak. The list goes on for miles, but only a few stand out at catastrophic. No need mentioning them and spitting out sparks at my past enemies. That's over, but I can't deny some of the pain is still just as much a thorn in my side as it was the day it happened. But then some has faded so much that it is barely recognizable. That's the best part of my life. I don't HAVE to remember everything. I don't have to keep a perfect record of every right and wrong that has ever crossed my path. No. I can be completely honest and say "YES! Me, Kaitlyn Nicole, I have forgotten things. I have erased things. I have destroyed thoughts and feelings until they are so mangled that I wouldn't even want to try and remember them!" I'm not afraid to move on. Well, I am. But I'm not afraid to look back. It actually helps the moving on process, however painful and miserable it may seem. Moving on was the hardest thing I've ever done, but standing here, looking back, I am so thankful for how I'm grown. It truly has been a season of growth this Summer of 2010. There's a lot of firsts I could list, but they would pale in comparison to what is to come. What really matters is that no matter how many seasons I cycle through, one season always remains. The season of growing in Christ. It never ends, it never ceases. It is an ever present hope to my life...My one unchanging joy <3
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