It's a beautiful summer day...to my family's standards at least, but then I've never been like them. I've always been caught up in my imagination, and lost in a disney movie or a good novel. I've never been one for a "reality check" or the "cold hard facts" of life. I like my life in my head. I like to create my own perfection, even though I know life can never measure up to that. I just can't stand the thought of living in an imperfect world. I can't stand being disappointed or rejected. I want to be accepted and captivated with life. And to a point I am, but where I fail, that's where my imagination steps in.
In my ideal life there is no sorrow, there is only smiles and laughter. There is always a happy ending and the sun is always shining. There is no such thing as winter and everyone wears their emotions on their sleeves yet they are never hurt. Clouds are only brief and beautiful, they never produce rain, but when they do it is a purifying rain, not a gloomy "rain on your parade" kind. There are always flowers in blossom and snow doesn't exist, except to comfort us like a giant blanket or marshmallow. In my world I am a princess, and nothing can harm me. If only this were true....
As much as I'd like to believe "dreams really do come true" I've heard so many times that it isn't the case. But how can I force myself to give up on my dream? I can't. I won't. No matter how unrealistic the nature of my desire, I continue to pursue it because I know if I don't I will be consumed by the horrible realization that life isn't happy, it never was meant to be, and it won't be. I hate that thought. Life was meant to be loved and we were meant to be joyful. It's only because of some stupid fruit in a perfect garden that we aren't living that way right now. Such an awful realization....that we will never experience life as it was intended. But then there is an even greater thought to overcome that....we will experience a life so beyond "happy". It isn't just joy, it's complete satisfaction and contentment. Most people hardly know those words anymore, but I hold on to them with longing.
We must come to grips with our fate. We are going to live lives that aren't fulfilled, and we are going to take on enemies that are going to be next to impossible to conquer. Yet we will survive, and we will press on. We won't give up, though we will consider the option many times. Our lives aren't perfect, though we dream of them being so. Our lives aren't a fairytale, though I often fantasize that they are. Life is just a cycle that keeps going and going......when will it end? I hope soon, because I am past my point of bending, I'm past my point of breaking. I want to escape to my dream land that has been beckoning me for so many years. The land that has cultivated my imagination and positive outlook on a dismal life. The land that has spurred me on to great things, amazing accomplishments though I doubt anyhow really notices them.
I suppose this is a very cynical look on life, but it is how I have been taught. This is what the world conveys to me everyday on Tv, in movies, in books, in magazines. I am in a hopeless world...I am so glad I don't have to believe this lie. Despite all that I have written, I know it all to be a falsehood. How could I ever believe that I am beyond saving, that I am just supposed to "survive". No I am made to conquer, no I am to be MORE than just a conqueror. All those knights and princes in my dreams are real, they are all around us. Every hero and soldier is so tangible and real, yet we push them aside like they don't matter. Why are we deceiving ourselves? Why can't we see that our dreams have always been real, we just have to look at them from a different angle. We need a new perspective.
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