Wednesday, November 24, 2010 7:36 PM,

Every day God says: TRUST ME! and every day I find myself questioning his plan and his Word. His promises are supposed to be unconditional, but I feel like there's some disconnect. I have so many questions. So many unanswered wanderings that just kill me when it's late at night and I'm tossing and turning under the burdens of a million cries. I wish I could just get all the tears out in one session, but they are never ending. And they come at the most inconvenient times. When I hear Caleb's name I'm just aching with sorrow and uncertainty. Will he make it to tomorrow? Will I see his glowing blue eyes and radiant smile next week? Will I enjoy that innocent voice, those curious eyes peering up into mine, unashamed? I am haunted by the questions. But I am reminded by the least likely of persons that I must not give up hope! I must not allow myself to doubt. I must not give in to fear. I have to rise up even in this difficult time. I must remember all the blessings above all the pain and shadows. I cannot turn my face from God, not now. Not here. Caleb needs my hope more than ever now. He needs my prayers. I can't just give up on that sweet face. His soft little hands, open to everyone. I can't let him down. And here come the tears again.

"Whatever happens, whatever you see, whatever your eyes tell you have become of me. This is NOT, it's not the end. I am making all things new again." ♥
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