This year has been the hardest of my life. Up until now life has been easy, a joy ride almost. I mean, when we moved here back in 2008, that was pretty rough. But nothing could prepare me for what I went through this year! And to think, life is only gonna get harder and more complicated. From a killer senior year (mainly my AP English class...) to spending Sadie Hawkins and JSB dateless, to graduating and realizing I'm completely alone in the world without my high school! To falling in love for the first time, and experiencing a broken heart for the first time, to actually having my first steady paying job (if babysittng counts), to facing the HUGE adventure and horror of leaving my home...my family...I can't believe all the things life has thrown at me this year. Wow! High school was everything for me. My comfort zone, where all my friends were...and now it's gone. Forever. Functioning without it is REALLY weird. and I've never been Miss Independence. I never WANTED my license, because I didn't want to drive around alone. I am a people person. The thought of going to a new school with new faces....alone...is terrifying. And I had always been a strong believer in love. I was convinced the first guy I'd fall in love with would be THE ONE. Seriously. As naive as it sounds, I just knew he was my Prince Charming. But life threw another curve ball! I've never felt more lonely in my life. And I've always feared leaving home. But now I'm starting to warm up to it...I need something, anything, better than my current situation in life. A lonely summer, no tan, my best friends are the two little boys I babysit. I didn't even get to go to the ocean this summer. I can't remember the last time I wasn't near an ocean during the summer...
I am clinging to college as some sort of savior for me.
And now I realize that's the problem!!! NOTHING in this world will EVER satisfy. As great as high school was, as wonderful as that boy was, and as beautiful as my ocean is...it's temporary. Why am I clinging to this world? Have I not learned anything?
