ok. confessions. I admit: I am stubborn and reluctant to extend forgiveness. I over exaggerate and over react. I am way too easily attached to people and I hate being alone or abandoned. And as much as I HATE this word...I just may be "clingy." ugh. that was hard. And in case you didn't really get what I said early.
I'm really stubborn....like REALLY.
So, when I feel you throwing a million knives at me...and they land right in my heart...I have to say I probably am partially deserving.
BUT
I think we both know that you never gave me what I needed. I might deserve a couple stab wounds, but what you have done is worse than that. You've built up yourself to be amazing, but not on purpose, bc I know you. But subconsciously, you have. Yes, you are honest, but you are also very good at being what a girl wants and saying what we want to hear. You're charming. You're sensitive and I'd be crazy to ignore those amazing qualities in you...but you weren't completely honest. You weren't really as great as you seemed. As time passed I saw your flaws more and more exposed and it hurt. Because putting faith and trust into a person and then finding out it was all fake is heart crushing. It's reason for tears. More than usual anyway. And you know what is the worst, seeing flaws in a person who claimed to be flawless. Ok, not literally. But...you said you were honest. You said you were proud of that fact. That it was in your blood and raising. You were NOT a liar, you had assured me. And to find out behind your back that you weren't as honest as you seemed...that was REALLY hard. And now the tears have passed and the anger is still simmering down...and I wonder where can this go from here? Will I ever trust you again? Will I have the strength to confront you? And will you even care enough to make it right? Or will you walk out and say "forget it!" ?
