I feel alone. I feel rejected. I feel not loved. And I feel like I'm on the brink of tears at every turn! That's what Kaitlyn's week has been like! I've always hated waiting. I'm patient when it comes to kids or pets or annoying people...but when it comes to this. I am not doing so hot. And sobbing myself to sleep isn't exactly ideal! Nor is waking up puffy eyed and sniffling. :P yuck.
I question God's plan a lot. No, actually I question what's happening in comparison to God's plan. Is this really what he planned or am I rebelling against his plan and what's happening now is like punishment? I don't know!! And I want so bad to be strong and confident in this situation, but I'm failing miserably and everyone knows.
You are perfect in my head. I could make a list pages and pages long about all the qualities I adore in you and how they mesh so well with mine! But then things like this happen and those pages are meaningless when compared with your actions. And a lot of times they are complete misunderstandings that my mind blows up to make it wayyy worse, but still. Regardless, this one is really hurting right now! I really have never been seriously hurt by you...but today I felt a heartache I've never known before. It was deep and long and I wondered if this was a sign? Like this is right before the end of something great. And the sad part is I felt like we were just beginning.
But I am known to jump ahead of myself. So again, God, I ask you give me to the strength and patience to wait.
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