So I don't know why, but for as long as I can remember I've been the kind of girl that can turn one moment in time to a LIFE time. A simple situation, locking eyes, exchanging smiles, hearing one sentence in a 2 hour conversation....I turn that moment into something so much bigger. I imagine the impact one smile could have on a person. I imagine 5 years down the road that person looking back to that split second when our eyes were locked in an eternity of hellos, and then followed by never ending goodbyes. And that's the worst part. I hate endings. I love beginnings (sometimes), and so to see myself put myself out there, and actually smile at a complete stranger and then feel the weight of how it was wasted...could have been wasted. Sometimes I feel helpless. Like no matter how many genuine eyes I meet, or how many comfortable smiles I receive, I will always be just me. I won't make an impact. I won't be remembered. I'll be forgotten forever, even though I will forever remember them, I know they will never think of me again. ever. Now that is sad. I feel like life is so one-sides sometimes. Like where's the team effort? Where's the love? Why can't a smile just be a smile, and nothing more? Well, it never will be in my mind. A smile speaks thousands of words. One brown eye can pierce through my years of bitterness and transform me into someone new, just because I can see past the "creepiness" of a stranger looking at me...into me. I see it as a gesture of genuine concern. Maybe I'm dead wrong, but I like to see it that way. Not every eye is looking for trouble. Some eyes really want to change you. Some smiles were meant for more than a casual glance, but we'll never know because we never LET them mean more. Knowing that destroys me. I will dwell on one pair of blue eyes for months, and maybe I'll get come revelation from them, maybe they'll be a mystery to me forever, but you know what matters? I exposed myself enough to find out. I looked past my judgmental heart and harsh opinions. I saw past the language barrier. I saw past the beliefs barrier. I saw past the racial barrier. I'm not here to point fingers. I want to help and be helped...and the biggest help I've had lately is just the passing glance of a stranger and the sincere smile of a person so unknown to me, but so dear to my heart.
