Since when did life become so stale? Why am I sitting here, in this warm cozy house blogging about my problems when children starve and die ugly, horrifying deaths all over the world? Ok, yeah. This is the timeless lecture right? "Children are dying in Africa, why can't you just be satisfied with your "lousy" life???" It's true. But sometimes I am just so overwhelmed with life in general. Not only the battle between selfishness and humility, but the battle of entertaining myself. I'm no longer content in the small things. I no longer stop and listen to the hum of my AC on a 90 degree day. no, instead I complain that it isn't the PERFECT temperature. it's too cold. it's too hot, i'm sweating. i need another blanket. i need to put on my bathing suit and just go swimming for crying out loud! What does it mean to actually be content? May I suggest it isn't a feeling. It's a state of being. And as a Christian I believe it should be continual, though I do not claim that it is the case in my life. It probably will never be, because I am full of lust and materialism. I haven't ever had to go without, and I probably never will...not to be cocky and confident about something that is so fragile and I take for granted, but speaking from the view of a middle class American, I feel invincible. Nothing Obama does feels like it could ever touch me. Nothing movies or book say feel like they would ever affect my thinking. No, I am untouchable. That's what I tell myself anyhow. But it's time to wake up to the harsh reality that it's not all "in the bag". no, there are so many uncertainties everyday that I pass by without even a glance. I turn my nose up to it, thinking I am beyond that. How stupid. How self centered. Maybe just getting out these feelings will somehow propel my brain to a higher thinking level. Maybe it's possible to reverse the effect that the media has had on my heart. Maybe just saying these words is already starting to manually erase every trace of what the world has done to my once innocent mind. Maybe I can completely deny the evidence of shame on my heart, but I don't know that I could ever truly rid myself of it. What a sad fate that I have resigned myself to.
"We think about tomorrow then it slips away. We talk about forever, but we've only got today." -Keith Urban, Days Go By
